Category Archives: Sensual

Crucifixes and Teddy Bears

My innocence lies between crucifixes and teddy bears.

Casualty of war between sexuality and faith.

Abandoned by a God I was raised to love.

Tormented by a love I was taught to hate.

It died holding my stuffed bear.

Amidst internal screams that tore me apart.

How could unconditional love have a sinner’s heart?

As if my own demons weren’t enough.

Teddy was the only one to show me love.

Never seemed to care.

What I was or wasn’t and held me tight,

Through countless cries that rang to the heavens

For a love we were taught would never leave us

Deceive us

Holding on to the only comfort little girls know 

In the darkness

“C’mere Teddy let me hug you.”

Still the battle rages

Cages

And enslaves us

Nightmares wake us to a new day

Branding our minds with labels that blame us

“Shameful”, “unclean”

But my teddy kept my  hope alive.

For countless martyrs nailed to the cross 

of someone else’s beliefs.

For little girls who imagine her Teddy to be a “she”.

I wear the labels that tear tender flesh.

Raped, dismissed, and left to be forgotten

But War cries still echo…
 Let us “Be!”

For every heartbeat…

For every pulse …

A reminder,

that innocence will rise from the ashes,

proud and unafraid.

Bearing our cross that screams

we have earned the love of the God who made us this way!

And one day, 

maybe I will come to love myself enough 

that I stop the “Hail Marys” 

Put my rosary away. 

Watch my daughter and her teddy bear play. 

And maybe then,

I will tell my beautiful wife about my stuffed teddy

and how it saved my life.

┬ęDaydreamer